– Universi-Tea –
Continuing Education for Empathizers
Empa-Tea defines an Empathizer as an individual that possess the capability to truly empathize with another being free from moralistic judgement, diagnosis, unwanted advice giving and other actions that get in the way of empathy without the need for additional training by Empa-Tea. While everyone has the potential to become an empathizer, most people have been trained from a very young age to speak in ways that rarely meet our own needs, and often make empathy impossible. If you’ve watched television as a child or went to any form of school, you most likely learned a sort of language that might not meet your needs or the needs of others for understanding. To become an Empathizer, you must show that you can speak nonviolent communication fluently.
During this learning process, mistakes will happen. Marshall Rosenberg calls this phase “baby Giraffe”. Those who want to dedicate themselves to Empath*ology and Nonviolent Communication practice will have to train for quite a while before they can be considered Empathizers. The process of becoming an Empathizer can be completely FREE. While you can obtain certifications in Nonviolent Communication, we are lucky to have access to a wealth of knowledge for free thanks to the Center for Nonviolent Communication. In order to share resources and give you the tools to learn and one day become an empathizer, we have shared our favorite videos, books, guides, and ideas that will put you on the path to becoming an Empathizer.
This video comes from the complete training course created by Marshall Rosenberg. We believe this to be, by far, the most comprehensive resource online. There are 6 – 1-hour sessions that cover:
- Introduction to NVC
- Applying NVC to ourselves
- Honesty NVC Supports
- Dynamics of Empathy
- How to use NVC with Authority Figures
- Empathy for Healing, Mediation, and Reconciliation
This 8-hour video is a great option for long car rides, going for walks or simply watching instead of a movie. You can learn from others trial and error and practice at home with family and friends.
Maybe you want something a bit shorter but still in-depth. In this workshop, Marshall asks participants to try out NVC in their personal situations. Through trial and error you can see common pitfalls when trying to put NVC into practice, and how to correct them to increase the likelihood that your needs will be met. This 3-hour video provides the foundations of NVC. This option is remarkably similar to Marshall’s Book on NVC.
Youtube contains a wealth of knowledge and you are free to watch Marshall Rosenberg Describe NVC and count this as hours towards NVC Competence. Try and watch Marshall Speak instead of someones’ interpretation of NVC.
The most fundamental book that serves as a cornerstone of Empath*ology is Nonviolent Communication A Language of Life. Just at the Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft has his executives read this book, we encourage all potential Empathizers to read this work. Reading and owning this book will help meet our need for understanding that you could create a space for Effective Venting as an Empathizer with Empa-Tea.
The Center for NVC has a list of feelings that appears in Marshal Rosenberg’s books. Familiarize yourself with these feelings. We are not encouraged to use this type of feeling vocabulary in schools.
As a young boy and teenager, I remember I was told or noticed people would say, “don’t cry”, “quit being such a baby”, “grow up and stop being so sensitive”. Even worse guys might say, “stop being such a girl/wimp/etc”. As a result, my vocabulary for feelings and needs shrunk. I learned not to talk about my feelings, and I lost the vocabulary. I needed to develop my understanding of my feelings and needs just like anyone else. Over time I have improved, but my training still enters, just as yours will when you learn this form of communication.
We rarely see a conciseness of feelings online or on television, social media, or netflix. It seems like much of our day encourages and reinforces a language that takes us further away from connection, understanding, and meeting our needs so that we feel truly satisfied for a majority of our lives. Begin the unlearning process by familiarizing yourself with the list of feelings.
The above link from the Center for Nonviolent Communication will take you to a list of needs created by Marshal Rosenberg. A fundamental human need as we define it, is something that all humans need in order to feel satisfied. When a need is not satisfied, we believe that people might experience certain feelings. Likewise when our needs are satisfied, we might experience different feelings. Our feelings give us insight into our needs that are not being met, or those that are truly meeting out needs.
For a deeper understanding of Fundamental Human Needs, read Human Scale Development by Manfred Max Neef, the link will take you to a free PDF of the book. Pages 29-37 will provide a deeper understanding of fundamental human needs, and Manfred Max Neef’s classification of satisfiers. Empath*ology chooses to use Manfred Max Neef’s insights on fundamental human needs because we believe it elaborates gives a deeper understanding than NVC Marshall typically communicates on fundamental human needs. Marshall had a lot to talk about regarding the process, that he could not truly delve in to the importance of needs like Neef shares with us. Marshall mentioned that he enjoyed Neef’s work and agrees with the classification of needs that Neef creates.
Empath*ology goes even a step further than Neef by searching for Fundamental Needs of all systems of life. Dogs have fundamental needs, many of which are similar to that of a human.
Trees and other plants have fundamental needs, and again, many are similar to that of a human.
Organizations, businesses, and relationships have needs. Think about the needs that allow the system you care about to function. This helps you empathize with any system you interact with and it increases the likelihood you can understand peoples behavior and help work together to meet each others’ needs.
Limits of Education and Academia
While we base much of our work on tried and true theories discovered by philosophers and practitioners alike, Empathizing effectively takes practice and effort. It takes failure, and it takes time. We know that failure is inevitable and we want to you practice and fail often. Ask your friends if they would allow you to practice empathizing with them. Not only will your friends thank you for trying to understand them, but you will be able to improve your empathizing skills, and create the environment for Effective Venting that Empa-Tea strives to offer all clients.
That’s all for today, check back again for updates as we share more information and resources that can help you improve your skills as an empathizer, so you can begin creating a consciousness around needs, feelings, and strategies to meet the needs.
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